If you know me well, you know I enjoy puns. In fact, I was practically raised on puns, the way some kids are fed excessive amounts of corn and Lunchables, I was spooned little slimy puns that stuck on my tongue until I swallowed them. So, why not start the new year with one.....
Let me start by saying NYE is the most egregious, annoying holiday of the year to me. At least Valentine's has hoards of angry women clubbing it's red and pink hearts like forlorn baseballs, but NYE most people are IN to it. Girls look at me like I'm crazy for not owning a gold sequined dress, and they cluck that I don't have a painted glitter accent nail. Guys, who I would hope would be on my side, genuinely love chanting numbers in general, even if they are counting down time to a kiss, much like a death march, if you are single. Not to mention the night is overpriced, usually atrocious weather, and may end with you kissing someone whose beard scratches your face or someone who is at least an inch shorter than you....even in flats.
Of course, I loved this holiday when I was in a couple. That kiss at midnight was spun in magic and warm familiarity. Even getting an oil change was like a damned haiku of car parts when someone is holding your hand.
Last year, J and I went out to his ranch and the two of us had a downright incandescent time under the trees with his golden retriever's fur flying around us like puffy fireflies. We talked about the future and my little 27 year old self was one smitten blond kitten (albeit in a camouflage beanie).
This year, however, I was just not in the mood.
I first made a list of things to stop doing:
1) Stop being a bitch (if only in your head..)
2) Stop watching Indie movies where people fall in love traveling through Ireland with twelve dollars, a guitar, and a slim pant leg
3) Stop looking at FB and assuming everyone's lives are "perfect" because of a series of selfies
4) Do NOT go on Pinterest and look at the wedding section......
5) Stop secretly wishing all your friends were single, too, so we could laugh at really bad online dating experiences, instead of you listening to mine while your husband makes you pasta and rubs your feet
Oh...and of course.....lose __________ pounds, get my book published, graduate grad school...blah blah blah.
This year, this list is getting crumpled, gnarled by my incisors, and spat on before it goes into the trash. The truth is, I don't want to make a list. I feel like the Big Guy has gone out of his way to batter me this year, and not the good kind that makes potatoes into french fries, more like the scene from A Perfect Storm.
This year, I am going to turn 2015 into the "Knew Year", which is basically a euphemism for me realizing that I have no control over my life and I finally realize that I have to let God do what he wants with me.
I feel like, at 28, all I can do is look for little signs for when I'm supposed to say YES. For example, when the season premier of GIRLS is happening and H happens to have organized an event, then I get to say YES. When the process of my book becomes as arduous as getting a PhD in astrophysics, I just have to deal with it and say YES it's going to take longer than an elephant's gestation period to get this done. And, when B wants to travel through Ireland with me, looking for organic farms, I am going to kiss the leathery face of my passport and say YES.
What I'm going to try and not do, is control things.
The affliction for our generation is that we control everything. I can literally swipe men right or left and control who I "like" online. With a credit card, I can control both real and fake money at the touch of a fingertip. We tell teens to "Support Austism" by eating a hot chili pepper and posting it to Instagram (WHAT?!). We want to pretend like we control everything around us, when really, our lives can be changed instantaneously, with a slick road and overused tires, with a crushing blow to your family, or with an overwhelming opportunity to go somewhere and do something you never thought possible.
So, let this not be the year where I obsess about who I am, my age, where to live, what to write, how to teach, or the future. Let this just be the year where I KNEW (see the pun, now?) that I had no idea how my life would go, and I just had a DAMN good time sitting back with my peppermint tea, appreciating every moment, and laughing.
Happy New Year :)
